Why Geese are Like People

I like geese. There are three of them in my logo. They are wild, free and amusing, with their own kind of unpredictable dignity. I’d like to share a goose story with you that happened earlier this year.

A pair of geese walk regally—and very slowly—across the street, holding up traffic. I’m no goose scholar, so I’ll only present theories about what happens next.

The two are honking their heads off—perhaps conversing about their day? No, I think they are arguing. The Mama Goose marches back across the street. She stops at the glass doorway of a mortgage company and sits down. The Papa Goose digs in his webbed toes and stands steadfast on the other side of the street. Why doesn’t he follow her? Well, geese mate for life and it’s springtime. So the Mama Goose is probably pregnant again, and the Gander is tired of putting up with her bad moods. The couple continues to honk at each other for awhile, then fall silent. It’s a stand-off.

I want to get something from a beauty shop nearby. The ladies who wait on me share that another presumptuous pair constructed the nursery for their goslings on the sidewalk behind their store. That Mama Goose spends her days sitting on their future family while the Papa stands guard nearby.

One day the store manager discovered that goose took his job very seriously – a tough gander indeed. She got too close. He spread his wings wide, narrowed his eyes, and lunged at her, chasing her down the sidewalk. Fortunately, she won the race, getting into her store with no time to spare. Disappointed, the Papa Goose resumed his watch.

The manager and other employees learned to operate in pairs in obedience to the geese. One day, the manager’s son had to get something out of the car. One of the ladies fed the Papa Goose bread to distract him. The boy was able to get to the car and back without injury.

What is happening with the original couple? Who is prevailing in their stand-off? The Mama Goose, of course. Because now the grumpy Gander stands beside his woman. Together, the two are blocking the doorway to the mortgage company – formidable and resolute.

It isn’t the first time. A bank employee tells me that the nasty pair has started to camp in their doorway overnight, leaving their waste all over the place.

One morning, the woman sat down on a leather chair on the other side of the glass window, watching the Mama Goose. The Goose thrust her head as high as she could on her skinny bird neck and glared at the woman. So, this time it was a stare-down as well a stand-off. At another attempt to intimidate their foes, the Mama Goose and the Papa Goose began tapping on the window with their beaks.

What are the two up to, for heaven’s sakes? This is my theory: I bet as the Mama Goose scoped out the place, she decided that their lobby looked pretty cozy. She wants to build her nest under one of the chairs.

I go into a coffee shop nearby, but keep thinking about the dangerous duo. I decide to go back, take some pictures and get an update. The Mama Goose is still at her post by the glass entry. But Papa Goose had only cooperated for a short time. He is now across the parking lot under a tree, impatiently waiting for his spouse.

The Mama Goose decides that it’s time for lunch. She waddles over to a patch of grass nearby and dips her head to get a bite to eat. Then she stands watching me, a dandelion hanging from her beak. Her man starts towards me. I don’t want any trouble. So backing up, I call it a day.

So why are geese like people?

Geese stop traffic . . . People have a hard time obeying laws too.

Geese honk very loudly . . . So do politicians, sports announcers and women over 50.

Geese are proud, stubborn and have a hard time getting along . . . And people? Enough said.

Geese ferociously protect their young . . . As do good parents.

Geese build their nests in awkward places . . . People often cause trouble by crossing boundaries too.

Geese mate for life . . . Unfortunately, this is usually not true of human couples, but it’s impressive when they do.

One final question:

Do geese stand around and watch people and discuss how the people are like them? If anyone knows how to translate goose talk, please let me know, and we’ll find out together.